How to Fix a Friendship

Friendships are what keep people healthy and happy, but sometimes conflicts happen within a friendship that can cause two people to break apart. Take steps to re-establish the relationship by following the advice below:

Step 1: Look Back 

Friends can go weeks, months, even years without speaking. When looking back upon the events surrounding the break-up, it is important to ask why the friendship was broken in the first place. People should figure out if they were at fault, or if it was the other person. If a friendship was unhealthy, occurring with someone abusive or untrustworthy, then it might be best if the two remain apart. But most of the time, friendships can heal over time.

Step 2: Write a Letter

The best way to initiate contact is to put it in writing. A letter puts a comfortable amount of distance between the writer and reader. A letter can also be read in a calm environment and responded to at the reader’s own pace. In this age of technology, e-mails are a quick way to get in touch with people after many years, so is a Facebook message. Letters should stay brief. They should not include any harsh words, even if they are justified. The point of the letter is to rekindle a bond, not create more pain. Apology letter writing examples are here.

Step 3: Apologize if Necessary

If people know they were at fault for the fight, then it is time to sincerely apologize. If they were the ones wronged in the situation, they may mention that over time they have forgiven the other person and that the friendship deserves another chance. Sometimes people will not write or call because they know they are the ones to blame and are afraid the other person hates them and will never forgive them. By starting out with an attitude of maturity, letting them know the past is the past, a fresh friendship can be started.

Step 4: Try a Phone Call

If the letter gets a good response, people can write back and forth until they are comfortable enough to make a phone call. The phone call should not include anything about the past at this point, but serve as a sort of catch-up. Old friends can talk about what is new in their lives, maybe mention things like family, hobbies or careers. At this stage, it is really important that the experience be positive and uplifting. Both people are likely to be nervous. Playing it light and including some humor helps strengthen the foundation for a new start. 

Step 5: Set a Lunch Date

After the phone call, it is time for a casual meeting like going to lunch. By seeing each other in person, friends will be jumping that final, uncomfortable barrier. They will be officially starting over. And from there, healing will be well on its way.

This post is brought to you by Argosy University. Drawing upon our more than 30-year history of granting degrees in professional psychology, Argosy University has developed a curriculum that focuses on interpersonal skills and practical experience alongside academic learning. Because getting a degree is one thing. Succeeding, quite another.